I was hanging out with one of my best friends doing our thing, gabbing about all sorts of random stuff when she told me she wanted to quit her birth control. She asked me for ways to prevent pregnancy while not on the pill and this is what I told her:
“Carry condoms with you all the time. No one is responsible for your health and your future but you.”
Her immediate answer was “people will think I’m a whore.”
Her answer caught me off guard for several reasons. One reason I was caught off guard is that I’m technically a whore and I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Another reason I was caught off guard is that I forgot how sexually repressed many people still are in this day and age. As a Fetish Model, my lifestyle is far from sexually repressed so I know I am a little more sexually open than most. The thing is, it’s 2019 and I had hoped women in the day and age were more empowered than ever. That’s why I found her response so strange.
Her answer was funny to me and I didn’t take offense by the whore comment. I know my lifestyle is not for everyone. Instead, I saw it as a strange way of thinking, as well as an opportunity to teach. How I see it: those people who are going to think you are a whore aren’t going to be the ones making a decision that could greatly impact your entire life.
Who cares what they think of you?
Those people shaming you aren’t going to be holding your hand at the doctor’s office when you get life-changing news. So, who cares what they think of you? Their thoughts aren’t going to destroy you. Honestly, through my experience, people who are that petty probably already have a false narrative about you and they are spewing lies out there anyway.
People are going to talk because that is what people do. Talk-is-just-talk and some of us really need to realize that gossip isn’t the end of the world. You are in control of your own destiny and you are your own best friend at the end of the day. Imagine what these same people would say if she were to get pregnant out of wedlock? Sure the title of mother sounds better than a whore, but motherhood lasts for lifetime and whores can stop whenever they want. You don’t have to show people your condoms, but that pregnant belly is going to be hard to hide.
Your health and safety are your responsibility, not his.
In my experience, there are a lot of men out there who don’t like to wear condoms. I get it. It doesn’t feel the greatest for them. As a result, they always seem to either not have a condom or they left them at home, or whatever excuse they come up with for the moment.
Types of guys that pressure a woman to have sex without condoms are not thinking ab
out their partners well being. Men like this are not focused on the love and safety of the women they are trying to be intimate with, they are instead focused on themselves. Women should also be focused on themselves and take matters into their own hands.
Condom-less sex may be fun at the moment, but after the few minutes of fun, stressing about STD’s and pregnancy can take weeks to resolve. Being nervous that the pull-out-method didn’t work is not fun. Stressing about a possible pregnancy is not fun. Being worried about contracting an STD is not fun. If it’s one of those one night stand things these worries become amplified because you will never see him again. You will be on your own at that point. What kind of position will you have put yourself at risk for? Your health and safety are your responsibility, not his, don’t let anyone pressure you into thinking otherwise.
Safe sex is not slutty or whorish, it’s just smart.
The unfortunate truth is that women and men are unequal in the burden of sexual consequences. Pregnancy will always be more of a detour to a woman’s life goals than a man’s aspirations. Many STDs are likely to do more damage to a woman’s reproductive system than a mans and women typically experience more symptoms. So my question is, why wouldn’t you protect yourself? Why wouldn’t you want the most comfortable experience possible with a new partner? Empower yourself. Being safe has so many more advantages. Slut shamers be damned.
I sometimes let men know that if they don’t bring a condom, I will. The condom I bring is probably not going to fit as well as one he picked out for himself, I don’t care. He needs to expect to wear one no matter what if he wants my pussy. He knows what is comfortable on his dick so he should plan accordingly. Either he brings a condom or use mine.
I empower myself by bringing my own condoms on dates. If there is a condom present there is no excuse not to protect yourself. Having a condom with you doesn’t mean you must have sex. Carrying condoms only shows safe-sex preparation if the opportunity to have sex arises. Planning ahead of time is not slutty, it’s smart. It keeps you from making a possibly life-altering decision in the heat of the moment. Kind of like having the number to a designated driver before you drink.
If a guy thinks you are a whore because you carry condoms who cares? He didn’t bring any and was willing to put your life in danger to get his rocks off. That is a bad look for him and we need to start calling that out rather than saying women who carry condoms are whores. If he doesn’t care about your safety he is probably not the partner you want anyway. Safe sex is not slutty or whorish, it’s just smart.